July 20,2010

Hey Hey Everyone,
I wanted to make a video but dont really feel like it lol. i just finished working out and stuff so i look all gross..so im just going to type away my thoughts...after all that is what a blog is for right!

Okay well while i was working out i was doing a lot of thinking about my weight loss,and i remember that ive done a weight loss journey before but with a different approach. when i was about 13 i moved to a new city and all the people there were different than the people i was used to. they were all skinny or atleast thinner than i was..all the girls were really pretty in school and i felt pressured to lose weight too. im sure most of us women dealt with something similar in school before. but i really just wanted to lose weight so i could atleast fit in and not be the BIG girl friend.
So I watched what i ate and stopped eating candy and stopped drinking sodas. and i had my own room luckily so i worked out EVERY nite in my room for atleast 30 minutes. i would do ab exercises,i would do arm exercises and i would work on my legs and butt lol. and after about a month i started to see changes in my body.
and i loved the changes so i kept doing it. then a lot started going on i moved in with my aunt when i was 17 years old..and thats when i started gaining A lot of weight. I put on at least 30lbs in one month. i was a size 10 when i moved in with her and that was in october and by christmas i was a size 16 *YIKES*
i didnt realize i was gaining weight that fast. but i got scared and didnt know what to do. i didnt have privacy at my aunts house. i didnt have my own room or my own time even. but yeah so years went by and i just kept putting on weight.

and while i was working out i just was thinking if i could lose weight before than i could lose weight now and get to my goal. I really just wanna feel pretty and feel good about myself inside. i dont wanna keep looking at myself with regret. i dont hate my body i just know that this isnt me. i feel like theres a stranger looking back at me in the mirror. i wanna look back at the girl i used to see. i had so much confidence and so much love for who i was..and i just cant believe i let all that slip away.

I wanna get all my happiness back. and i wanna have a family with my husband. i wanna not be scared to see old friends from highschool. i know if i was to hang out with my friends from back then they would not recognize me either.
i did fall into a depression for 3 years but im not depressed anymore..and theres no excuse for looking this way. theres no excuse for letting myself go.

for the next 2 weeks i plan on working out everyday and i plan on eating 3 meals per day and maybe 1 snack per day.
I am going to do this the right way. i dont wanna starve myself or over work myself i just wanna do this the right way so the weight comes off and NEVER comes back.

ive already reached 2 of my mini goals and my next mini goal is to be 330lbs but i would love it if i were 325lbs. :) that would be awesome.

anyways thats it for now. ill write more another day!

stay focused everyone!!!
and NEVER give up!

you are worth it you will reach your goals if u set your mind to it.

xoxo
*Renee*